my brain's wired, in a very weird way.

i see myself

2012-01-29T14:10:00.001+08:00

and i don't like the person that i was, am and by the looks of things... going to be. I hate my guts.

do i ignore friends, unless i need them

2012-01-28T21:50:00.000+08:00

i think i do too. oh dear.

broken toe

2012-01-26T21:52:00.000+08:00

The last post felt like it was written an eternity ago.
Since then i broke my toe, and yes, might be bordering on the dramatic, but my world has changed. walking is now a chore. and i'm annoyed a lot easily too.
sigh.

the swift sadness

2012-01-24T19:04:00.003+08:00

overwhelms my being, like a fog it clouds my mind, and tighten round my throat, forces me to fall, on my knees begging, gasping.. mercy.

insanity follows swiftly after, or together i no longer know, like a bloody duo they comes hand in hand, gleeful with menace at the victim it has captured to torture, till the fog lifts.

On willpower, self-control, decisions and chocolates

2011-11-30T21:29:00.001+08:00

His studies show that people with the best self-control are the ones who structure their lives so as to conserve willpower. They don’t schedule endless back-to-back meetings. They avoid temptations like all-you-can-eat buffets, and they establish habits that eliminate the mental effort of making choices. Instead of deciding every morning whether or not to force themselves to exercise, they set up regular appointments to work out with a friend. Instead of counting on willpower to remain robust all day, they conserve it so that it’s available for emergencies and important decisions.

interesting reading here

30 days habit

2011-10-30T23:57:00.003+08:00

http://thirtydaze.wordpress.com/2011/10/03/3-time-to-twit/#comment-7
http://www.ted.com/talks/matt_cutts_try_something_new_for_30_days.html

While 'researching' for my voice production module, which i S/Ued, i stumbled upon this video... and since it's the start of the month.. was thinking of some things that i might embark on for the next 30 days. Will keep this blog informed! :) not like anyone's really going to read... and i sorta like it that way.

2011-10-17T20:11:00.004+08:00

my back aches for a back massage in shanghai.

i cant remember what it was like when i really thought i would die from cancer.

it honestly makes me sick that i cant remember.. and i cant say anything to help someone i know that might be dying from it.

on blogging

2011-10-16T15:32:00.002+08:00

Accounts of the past are often shaped by the knowledge of what was to happen next. What is so important about the diary is that it is Helga's reality. You are there with her. It is a very different thing from a memoir." — http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/oct/16/schoolgirl-who-fooled-the-nazis

mark your life now, not with the spectacle of the future,

mark it now when you're scared,

and worried,

with thoughts that surround,

engulfs your being... and not with the certainty that will ultimately define your path, for everything in hindsight is good,

and plain,

and easy to see.

in that peace, the stability... you wont remember the sleepless nights, the million of thoughts that brought you here....

So mark your life now, with words, with song, with photos, with records... of pain, of triumph, of struggles of the afflicted.

oh dear

2011-10-10T09:49:00.002+08:00

I've missed you.

shall discipline myself to write my thoughts down. i do miss how the i blogged to figure things out. quietly figuring things out, that i've done. but it's in longer proses that a bit of my personality gets imprinted for the future... and i'm going through thoroughly exciting times. :)

till then.

thoughts about a wedding

2011-09-10T11:51:00.002+08:00

i have never been so offended by a wedding before.

i've been helping with the sound system with the weddings that are conducted in church. occasionally, and more often than not, we have people from other churches in our sanctuary getting married.

it was the same today. and it was a media circus. the photographers, and boy were there a LOT of them were everywhere capturing the moment. They even got photographers with 2 cameras each, creating this 3D effect.

even a uncle that had a point and shoot WENT UP TO TAKE PICTURES in and during and after the whole wedding.

it was insane. and this is a church. it's a christian marriage. where's God in the whole proceeding... oh lest i be accursed of being all righteous with this ... but i'm so very angry. you should at least thank God in your thank you speech, SHOULD YOU NOT?

oh how dare you. so very upset.

NOTES FROM MY PAST

2011-07-25T14:47:00.001+08:00

22/02/11 14:39

i have so much things to do but all i want to do is watch next stop happiness, and stop the world until my room is clean.

17/05/11 16:21

Visiting my grandma is fun: i'm everyone's granddaughter. And there's this lady that thinks i'm a different person every time i go into the room. She's scolding me now, but she loved me earlier.

29/05/11 01:08
Bunkered down and enjoying a cocomoko. paid 1 extra for tip.

01/06/11 10:46

Damn it i'm so tired, but i have to stay here until someone leaves.

13/07/11 13:16

you should be happy to know that i take my coffee without sugar now.

13/07/11 13:33

thief, return my heart, whole again, while you can. return my love.

2011-04-15T01:02:00.001+08:00

i need to start being a christian friend, and not a friend that happens to be from church.

2011-02-28T22:34:00.002+08:00

Dear me,

the professional one,

the academic one,

the one that has a life,

and the one that has a soul.

buck up. stop slacking. do what you have to, when you have to. and dont complain about it. The one that's a daughter.. try to be less irritated. The one that wants to be Martha Steward. Go. Do IT. your room's ashamed to have you.. it cant remember its former glory.. the perfectly clean room that's stuck in the one that's lazy.

okay the one that's going crazy... you stop panicking. everything will be alright. just talk to the soulful dude okay.

evidentally... there's one that lost her head.

2011-02-24T02:05:00.000+08:00

Tell me you dont care, let me move on

i'm only cruel because

2011-02-23T15:27:00.001+08:00

i can.

--
too blessed to be stressed!

Admit it

2011-02-22T01:41:00.002+08:00

Perhaps writing that down sorted out my thoughts,and made me more confused than ever. Well done grace

dear alls

2011-01-24T22:49:00.001+08:00

Version 1.

Dear

Seasons greetings from the Au Yong family!

Paul’s been busy taking care of Mom, who is back from a short period of time. Ann’s been keeping house with Joyce and Grace staying at home now, after their short stint staying in the Halls of NTU. Grace continues her studies at NTU, and during her holidays traveled to Shanghai with friends, and HK with Dad and Joyce. Also at NTU, in her 2^nd year as an Accountancy Major, Joyce continues to serve as a Exco Member in Calvary Pandan Youth Fellowship.

Version 2.

Dear

Hello! This is a “dear all” Christmas card, which is a ‘justified’ reason for me to go on yakking about myself, so excuse me while I update you on what’s been happening to my life in 2010.

The year’s been exciting! Thank God for preserving my health—only had one scare on Feb after 18 months of good health! J Traveled in May to Shanghai to visit the World Expo, and then again in June to HK with the Sister. Got an inside look at a scholarly conference when I interned in July at the International Communication Association’s Conference in Singapore—might have caught the bug for writing papers, and coming up with theories! School started in late, late August due to the Youth Olympics Games being held in Singapore, and as a 3^rd year student at the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information, I’ve been busy rushing weekly assignments for photojournalism classes, and coming up with essays for crisis management. Strange combinations, but I’m pretty pleased that I managed to fit all the classes into a 3-day week. (Okay technically it’s 4 days with a 2-hour lecture on Monday.) Now, am taking a break from studying for my exams (that will end on the 22^nd Dec—making it far to late to do anything substantial for Christmas.)

Which is why I can only manage this card. Procrastination never felt as justified. Haha!

I do hope that your year’s been great too! :) hope to hear from you too!

Love

Write

Grace

[evidently, i'm still celebrating christmas]

silly letters

2011-01-22T16:25:00.003+08:00

Grades are just silly letters that give the vain people something to brag, and the lazy people something to fear. —Li Kaifu, in a letter to his daughter

ah. i enjoy the quote, and i thought of my grades. Sure they werent great. but did i work really hard for it? yeah i did. could i have put in more effort? i think so, but i really did tried quite hard. And if this is what i got for it, i should just thank God and move on.

shall do just that.

________________________________________

[a short summary of what i'm doing for internship. and my thoughts about it.]

Choosing to intern at Mindshare was a bit of a strategic move on my part, owning to the fact that I’ve worked in the creative part of advertising before, and with most advertising students wanting creative work, I might have a better chance in a media company. Also, I reckon that advertising/branding might be the industry that I die working in, so I might as well explore the rest of the functions of advertising.

Week 1

By the third day, I realized that I should just chuck whatever I’m familiar with out the window. With creative agency, the idea is king, and with a media company… well that’s what I’m here for. But I needed to stop thinking that creative ideas were the only determinants to what media is booked, and how the ad is noticed. (I’ve always noticed and remembered really good advertising—and they are usually those with brilliant ideas.) Media does determine where the campaign is being seen, and that is almost as important as the idea itself, so I suppose this is how media lent some weight to the whole advertising process. (And some weight that is.)

As an introduction, Veneeta, my mentor, had me thinking through a day in the life of a PMEB, and note down the different media they consume. Bus ads, taxi ads — anything that might possibly catch the eye of a working professional were noted down. (I remember being quite puzzled at this. Perhaps I was thinking: Yeah, the ad's there, but I'm not sure they'll notice it.)

We moved on to churning out statistics about the target audiences. From demographics, I found out exactly how many people in Singapore belonged to a certain segment. I did the same for the psychographics. With the answers that segment of people gave to a set of statements, inferences could be make about how they felt about a brand, or a product.

It disturbed me quite a bit that we could conclude with statistical certainly how that a certain segment of the market will feel this way about a product. Seems a bit contrived, yet I know that there is wisdom in crowds, and that is a theory that has been somewhat proved correct countless times before. Well, if you thought about it, I was always coming up with creative ideas based on anecdotal evidence of how a target market behaves; this was just the hard data of that knowledge.

2010-12-28T01:35:00.001+08:00

unstable like water... and very very late.
same old same old me. :(

2010-12-27T00:51:00.000+08:00

protége-moi de moi-même

Progress

2010-11-24T23:49:00.001+08:00

Progress is made when positive change is observable. Motivation comes into play as the energy to propel the change...so what can I motivate my mom with to get her to throw stuff away? Sigh.the room is in a mess too.and french is undone.

Has drive.

2010-11-23T23:28:00.000+08:00

[from last tuesday]

Where am I now? A place where I have a lot of things to do, but I don’t want to do them. I would have surfed the net, watched a couple of shows while getting into the mood of doing work, but I don’t have the luxuary of either.

Which is why I’m here now. Not wanting to do anything. And yet. Having a lot of things to do. What should I do then?

I’m actually shivering in fear with the amount of work I have to do but I cant seem to concentrate enough to do them.

Help. Help. Help help me. empleh empleh. Empleh. Empleh

2010-11-23T08:41:00.002+08:00

bear with me—if my lecturer tags me on this, and he has yet to grade my last assignment, but.......i dont really really want to do this because it show how little i read.

The Rules: Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen authors (poets included) who have influenced you and will always stick with you. List the first 15 you can recall in no more than 15 minutes, and they don't have to be listed in order of relevance to you. Tag at least 15 friends, including me, because I'm interested in seeing what authors my friends chose. (To do this, go to your Notes tab on your profile page, paste the rules in a new note, list your 15 picks, and tag your friends.)

AS OF THIS MOMENT:

auguestine pang

God

malcolm galdwell

the collective authors that wrote freakonomics

charles c spurgeon

oswald chambers

(the definition of authors' expanding to include copywriters and scriptwriters)

the guy that did the lemon VW ad

my senior copywriter

Chuck Lorre

J.J Abrams

Christopher Nolan

Aaron Sorkin

Matthew Weiner

Steven Moffat

2010-11-19T14:01:00.001+08:00

you never really say you hate a person outrightly.

but you always let the person know. might just be the tilt of the head, the slight disagreement in your tone... you always let the person know that you dislike her.

you might act surprise when she tells others that you hate her, and that you like others better... because, despite you never saying it, you know it's true.

well, the feeling's mutual.

2010-11-19T12:33:00.001+08:00

Dear Writers of HIMYM,
As an ardent fan of the series, I felt that I must pen a note to express my concerns regarding the sitcom.

It’s getting bad. I’m very sad.

While I have been enjoying your sitcom since Ted locked eyes with Robin across the bar, the recent episodes have left me very disappointed. I hope you can sense my disappointment all the way from Singapore. At this juncture, I must apologize for watching the show illegally via the Internet, but you must understand that there’s really no other ways I can get my HIMYM fix. Don’t blame me—blame globalization, and the export of the American culture. (But this is really not the point.)

That saying, let’s get down to what you all can do to possibly save HIMYM.

1. Stop stalling. You’ve got to introduce us to another potential mother candidate. We’re getting as bored as Ted’s kids on the couch. This is turning out to be a bad history lesson… that I didn’t ask for, but because I’ve invested 60.5 hours of my life, and Ted and friends are… like my friends and I want to find out about the mother… so I’m going to try and continue watching. But only for so long.
2. Actually introduce The Mother. I have hopes, really, because I think that the sign outside the church in Season 6 Episode 1(“In every thing there is a season”) indicates that this might just be THE season we get to see The Mother… and she’ll appear right at the last moment of Season 6 to keep us waiting for Season 7. Please… stop torturing me with bad jokes about beavers. It’s aboud time we get the real Mother.
2a. See it doesn’t END with the intro of the Mother. There’s life with the Mother! Who dates someone knowing right from the beginning that she’s the one that he’s going to marry? The audience wont know that… and Ted as the unreliable narrator can work something out.
2b. Or tell us she’s the Mother. Then take us to dates with the Mother. Make them travel, fall in love, fall out of love. Tease us, but with The Mother. Make the mother narrate an episode. For that matter, make Uncle Barney narrate an episode.
2c. Or tell the kids that they both have different Mothers. Or Fathers. Season expander X 10!

Yup that’s it really. Till then, I’ll be legend-waiting for it….

2 am post

2010-11-17T02:15:00.001+08:00

I still heat the same advice whenever I want to stay up the whole night: sleep, you're only up because of the adrenaline.sleep you'll need it.

But I can't.I'm sleepy but I can't sleep.

2010-11-16T23:43:00.002+08:00

came back really early expecting to do work, but couldnt concentrate until now.

possibly 4 hours down.. to nothing.

2010-11-11T23:16:00.001+08:00

dont touch me

2010-11-07T21:26:00.000+08:00

hush heart dont be jealous, you'll see the london skies someday.

signs of mental illness

2010-11-06T09:52:00.003+08:00

Say, would you consider hoarding a sign of mental illness? or having a room that's in a constant state of mess?

would you consider that as a home of a person suffering for mental illness?

and obsessive buying. how about that? you buy things that you obviously dont need, but you want.

would you consider that as a sign of a mind descending into mental illness?

i would. and i think you're going crazy. so stop watching the stock market, and actually do something about the mess.

2010-11-04T11:33:00.001+08:00

i like that i dont have to impress you

because you already know i'm stupid.

must remember that though.

2010-11-03T21:54:00.001+08:00

THINK

before

you

speak.

3pm post

2010-10-30T14:44:00.002+08:00

the rain came quietly, quite suddenly, blanketing the entire landscape. the tear stained windows mark where the rain fell— my only confirmation to whether the skies had indeed open. the skies look fine.

4amblog: 1

2010-10-29T03:46:00.000+08:00

i cant remember what's it like to not be able to keep my mind off someone.

and i'm so pleased.

______________________________

i havent been able to fall asleep properly. wide awake, and i take any coffee or tea. it's so weird. shall surround myself with pillows. and check if that works.

later.

2010-10-02T11:37:00.003+08:00

i have a clean room now,

big enough to unpack my thoughts

my worries get chucked to a corner,

on that rug by the window sill

where the laundry occasionally stays

swaying in the wind.

i have a clean room now,

could be cleaner if i sweep.

maybe

2010-10-02T11:31:00.002+08:00

maybe we cant imagine that anyone would want to date us, only because we know our ghosts and we cant imagine — i cant imagine — anyone remotely sane that would want to have me, with all that haunts me intact. but one can certainly hope.

i guess that's why they call them fools, those in love.

2010-09-25T15:06:00.002+08:00

i'll take your name and you'll wear my ring.

planners

2010-08-02T12:06:00.002+08:00

i've always had a planner near me. something where i can jot down what i have to do, because i dont profess to having the best memory ever. the problem with having a physical planner though, is that i might forget to bring it wherever i go, but that's another problem.

so i'm clearing my stuff... accumulation of junk now, and have reach the place where i chuck my old planners. reading through 2007, i just realized that i've forgotten almost most of the year. i remember vague events, but i didnt attributed it to the year.. i kinda forgot who i was.

it's a funny feeling though. you know you're always physically you, but in all actuality, every day you're a new you. the things you think about, the things you know, they are always changing. doesnt this make you a new you everyday?

the view you hold about the world, it's all new everyday. sure there might be overaching themes in your views of the world governed by moral standards that you hold, but... to the minute things, your reaction might be different.

i used to not like watching gory movies. i dont quite like it still, but instead of peeking through my palms, i cant control myself but start laughing. it's quite queer, and must irritate the hell out of the people around me, but when that japanese girl in kill bill died—i was laughing hysterically.

so my 2007 self will be very puzzled by my 2010 self. i dont know if i'll still like me... i've always maintain that i would find myself a very irritating person to be with.. but it's interesting reading old planner/diaries.

now should i throw it away? hmmm, no space!

NAMES!

2010-07-06T19:14:00.002+08:00

i've found a name for my phone! :) (i tend to name things... i like)
like my converse? they were named jordan something.
my first ibook was named white. or something.

and now. my phone. he shall be marvin the paranoid. or just M.

because he's a android!

ok... you'll only get it if you're a hitchhiker guide to the galaxy fan. :)

on a totally unrelated note, i jsut JUST started on doctor who.
AND IT"S AWESOME.

love holidays.

about laundry bags

2010-06-29T12:47:00.002+08:00

doing my laundry now and it suddenly occur to me that laundry nets are recent inventions to complicate our very much complicated life with nothing.

shall wash my laundry without the nets. this is ridiculous.

about gifts

2010-06-28T11:08:00.002+08:00

very rarely do i get to blog whenever inspiration strikes, but here we go.

it has recently come to my attention that i'm a very difficult person to buy presents for. i do not have a go-to/default colour or cartoon character that i make known to everyone and thus, it's hard to get presents for me.

also, because i rarely get presents for everyone else, thus this renders the act of returning a present rather redundant. (oh unless i know you like a certain cartoon character/colour, then it's easy peasy!)

so this blog, note, piece of explanation is my humble attempt to explain my.. thing.

(yes, my birthday, and my mom's amazing 'gift' might have also prompted this. oh! also because i'm watching the Big Bang Theory episode where Sheldon gets a gift for Leonard. Sheldon's explanation on gift giving:

The entire institution of gift giving makes no sense. Let’s say that I go out and I spend $50 on you. It’s a laborious activity because I have to imagine what you need whereas you know what you need. And I could simplify things, just give you the $50 directly and then you could give me $50 on my birthday and so on until one of us dies leaving the other one old and $50 richer. And I ask you, is it worth it?

haha sheldon, it's always worth it.

i think that the concept of gift giving is precious. the main reasons why i dont get someone a gift is because 1. i cant find something that i know you'll like. 2. i cant afford getting something generic. 3. if i do find something that you like, i still might not be able to afford it. because if i do, you would have it already. 4. that's why i resort to buying meals. they are consumable, and you have to eat anyway.

oh dear, i'm weird. wait, it might help if i shop with a group of people to get the present though. there's a group of friends where we meet just for each other birthdays, and i must admit that the meeting to get the present before the actual birthday celebration often turns out to be a hilarious 2 hours of "WILL HE LIKE THAT? WE SHOULD JUST CALL HIM! NO WE MUST SURPRISE HIM! OH NO! WHAT IF HE DOESNT LIKE IT?". usually the gift is met with approval. (yes, it's usually coupled with a very good meal.)

i should do that more often. shopping for gifts. okay i will do that more often! (i have to get used to money disappearing from my bank account too.)

anyway. i do love getting presents, and it surprises me whenever someone gets it right on the money. (oh dear. am i subconsciously thinking about my lack of money?) so here's a list of things that i really like. (or i think i might like.) it would be _great_ if you respond with a similar list, and i'll try my darn hardest to remember to get an appropriate gift. (i'll find friends to shop with! takes the pressure off getting a totally inappropriate gift.)

1. for some reason, i like geometric patterns. like from the retro era. i'll probably go crazy.

2. again. something from the retro era, or vintage. lava lamp=win, vintage beetle=super win.

3. something well designed. oh dear, i like clean designs from muji, and all those ridiculously priced outlets.

4. something quirky. or something different. if it's got a pattern, it'll be nice to have something different in a particular part of a pattern.

5. something practical in the immediate future.

6. you really cant go wrong with solid colours.

7. neither can you go wrong with something related to design, and photography.

8. and i just realized that i've enjoyed every fundamental christian book that came my way.

other things to note.

a. the guilt of making you get something pricey might far outweigh the positive externalities of me receiving it, so i must caution you against it.

b. similarly, the guilt of receiving something from you, when i cant/couldnt/didnt find something for you might outweigh the positive externalities of my receiving the gift, so you need to respond with a similar list!! things you like or dislike!

c. and i promise to try and keep everything that i've been given. it's a nasty habit to suggest to someone that the gift would be better for someone else, will get rid of that. and it's horrible to try and give the gift away. (oh dear. need to shop for christmas.)

alright, so this turns out to be surprisingly long. but if you've survived till now, thanks for reading. will be expecting a similar list from you!! please tag me!

p.s please _dont_ be compelled to give something when you can't find something! i'm more than grateful for your friendship, and anything else, really, is just icing on the cake. =)

barely surviving.

2010-06-17T19:52:00.002+08:00

i'm just barely surviving these days. the room is in shambles, utter mess. cannot stand it that i have no time. i had no time to breathe since 5th may. makes me want my hall+exams back.

been just going from bed to shower to crumpled clothes to out. all the while thinking, "shit, i'm late."

am really really looking forward to 28th june. when everything that should be over... dies down. then pack my room, visit salvation army. new room for new school year.

should reflect on the year too.

no time to do that. :X

i cant sleep

2010-05-05T03:09:00.002+08:00

it's been a few nights now, but

i cant sleep.

i work till i'm mentally exhausted, but still something keeps my energy up. the shadows on the walls. the light from the next block...

yesterday night felt like one of those long nights in the hospital. sleeping in a strange bed. in familiar surroundings, but a strange bed.

i hugged my polar bear a little tighter.

maybe it's the light. the light i have on. or the large windows. oh yes. they're strangely similar to those in the hospital.

maybe it's the fact that i'll be leaving this room. this hall i call home for the past few months. the walls that have heard me swear at projects, the light that kept me company when the sun visited the other side of the globe...

the wind that licks my back as i work.

i'm strangely nostalgic for a room. i suppose it isnt just a room, it's a haven of rest. a place where i can ground myself for the battles in school... and where home is heard through a 15 by 5 rectangle chunk.

it's a place to get away from the madness. to know what it's like staying away from home. be somewhat independent. wash my clothes, iron them. cook.

i ate my last bowl of pasta today.

i added too much salt.

i'll miss the security uncle downstairs. his endearing reports from Hall 3 at 3am is something that i'll certainly miss. his the only voice i hear some days.

i've grown accustomed to my own company. and the sound of silence. i love the night. i love this time of the night. there's nothing wrong with being up now.

i should be sleeping.

hypnos

2010-04-28T11:00:00.000+08:00

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/04/27/sleep-loss/?hp

living with insane parents.

2010-04-19T22:33:00.002+08:00

google search

not the only one.. but nobody seems to have advice beyond "hang in there it'll be better soon." isnt there a legal clause that allows me to divorce my parents? dunno. shall look into it soon.

almost 20 things

2010-04-13T13:53:00.001+08:00

1. i'm scared of crows.
2. when i was a toddler, i would only watch TV during advertisment breaks.
3. i used to take an hour to finish my meals.
4. i attended chinese sunday school till i was pri 3
5. i always write the letter 'R' in upper case.
6. i insisted i was short-sighted in pri 6.
7. for a periods of 2 weeks, i wrote my name as Jessica.
8. i used to call joyce starfish.
9. i was the only girl in my sunday school batch.
10. i used to cross the road to get mac apple pie during service.
11. i used the handler ac|dgerm for a couple of years.
12. i didn't own a barbie till i was in pri 2.
13. i broke all my barbie dolls heads from their bodies.
14. i used to talk to birds.
15. i once insisted on getting 2 identical carebears.
16. i only buy black pens.
17. i was part of a play for a local theatre festival.
18. i love charles & keith shoes.
19. i used to collect postcards
20. i collect starbucks cups.

what is journalism in singapore

2010-03-11T16:37:00.001+08:00

aware. jack neo.

seriously.

maybe we are too suppressed as a nation that these news get front page coverage immediately. but WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?

i dont deny that the person in the wrong. yes. he apologized. What else do you want from him?!

ptfff.

2010-03-10T19:54:00.003+08:00

What a friend we have in Jesus,   all our sins and griefs to bear!   What a privilege to carry   everything to God in prayer!   O what peace we often forfeit,  O what needless pain we bear,   all because we do not carry   everything to God in prayer. 

ah. studying for a test.. that i'm not very prepared for... yet thankfully, not panicking for either.

keep marching on.

2010-03-08T01:17:00.003+08:00

i dunno what am i doing back at hall, but school seemed to have taken the wind outta me. it felt like ytd that i was choosing the modules... and stuff like that, going.. wait a minute! it's been 3 weeks and i need to catch up and now it's 8 weeks and i havent caught up and what on earth is going on i dont think i got a hold on it it's 6 weeks to exams and i dunno anything and there's project and assignments and breathe grace. breathe. help God, help!

i got bitten by the cullens

2010-02-16T11:05:00.002+08:00

starhub did the most amazing thing this CNY and open all their zillions of channels up for poor folks like me to drool over. and i got hooked on twilight.

seriously. the cullen's house is gorgeous.
(from here )

and Edward's car? Volvo C30. love.

oh and i like edward's fusion british/american accent too. dies.

Stop telling me

2010-01-29T11:34:00.001+08:00

how it used to be back in your days. seriously

i'm the person

2010-01-14T21:40:00.002+08:00

you talk to until you find your life partner. sigh. nobody really talks to me for me!

you are the personification of utterly annoying.

2010-01-04T13:40:00.000+08:00

it's scary when we dont see what we really behave, and we dont hear what we really say.

"..."

2010-01-04T01:05:00.001+08:00

today's another day i wished the ground would've opened up and swallowed me. but it didnt. and you live with another entry under "Regrets"

"shhh, lay off the serious stuff"

2010-01-02T13:24:00.002+08:00

i'm honestly sorry. i pursue the matter rather ardently, and i dont suppose i ever let up until i get an answer, but seriously, LAY OFF THE SERIOUS STUFF?

i dont even want to talk about the serious stuff. i flee from serious stuff. i rather bury my head in soil then talk about the serious stuff. but by not talking about it... too many have fallen by the wayside... so i dont think we can lay off the serious stuff.

but for now. whatever. i still can't beat desmond at the game. i'll lay off the serious stuff.

"What's this fascination with New Year's anyway?"

2010-01-01T05:48:00.004+08:00

the night started out innocently enough.

the day was coming to a close, as was the year, but as usual, i have something to be late for. Church was starting in 15 minutes, and i needed the bus to arrive the moment i stepped into the bus stop for me to make it to church remotely on time.

and miraculously, 78 pulls up.

i'm not a big fan of bus no. 78. while it's interesting to have China bus drivers my age... or less, and actually seeing some hardworking blue collar (and coloured) workers, bus 78 is a bag of contradictions for me. i dont enjoy the smell of their sweat, and yet i admire their guts for working their darn hardest for the idea of a better life. they are getting younger, you know.. these workers, they have rough hands, but alarmingly young eyes. modern-day slavery... i sometimes think we havent really abolished it, it just became a sophisticated system where less privileged circumstances ensures the supply of our slaves.

but i digress.

at church, i barely made it in the last song for pre-worship singing. which is awesome, by any standards. i havent really noticed how late i've been every single week. if there's one thing you can count on me to be, that's to be late. i'm so good at it, i can sms you an hour before just to inform you that i'll be late, and then proceed to take a shower and my own sweet time to get ready.

mics are not working again. nothing suprises me. i mutter (which is often and most of the time. i think i honestly believe that i have nothing good for people, so i mumble a lot. most of the time, nobody clarifies, and i go on pretending that they heard my witty comeback. which isnt really witty actually.) i mutter something about rats eating the wires, and i get a polite chuckle. we do have rats in church. or mouse.

took almost an eternity actually getting outta church, and the friend asked the question.

i mumbled something about metaphorical clean slates and the psychological need for it. dont think i have much regrets this year... maybe only that mod where i could have SU... but didnt. but that's something for some other time.

New year's quite odd, if you put your mind to it. it's not excatly the new year you're getting... only the possibility of the year. but what you have in the bag is 1 year that has passed. that's true. you've lived every day of the past year, whether you were good, or bad, it's all over.

so it's not like a new year... but like an old year that has passed. and shouldnt we all celebrate accomplishments and joys and sadness and things you learnt about yourself and things you learnt about others?

i think i can live with that. thank God for 2009. :) seriously.

you're so ugly

2009-12-23T22:09:00.002+08:00

and you dont even know it.

recently, i cant help thinking that this person in my life is very ugly. it's not hte physical appearance, mind you, but the things this person do, and say, the way this person conducts himself/herself... it's just absolutely horrible. disgusting. :X

how can anyone be like that? sigh.

on camps!

2009-12-13T19:13:00.002+08:00

part one!
packingpackingpacking! havent been on a full camp since forever, and it always bummed me out. am so very grateful that i'm able to make it to camp again.

makes me feel 16. :)

campcampcampcampcamp!!!!!! :)

half of my heart belongs to John Mayer

2009-12-03T21:06:00.000+08:00

on 1000 things.

2009-11-23T20:59:00.001+08:00

particularly this.

#629 When it feels like the lyrics to the song you’re listening to were written just for you

and this song:

i'm running out of batt on my mac. help!

this is what NTU looks like. inside.

2009-11-20T01:30:00.002+08:00

taken with a FM2, and PLUS i developed this print myself. AWESOME!

Life in Hall 3:the music rocks

2009-11-19T22:49:00.002+08:00

Awesome music. Ted's got good music, quite similar to my musical tastes... and since he's got 7.6 days worth of music, i guess i'll be rocking to his playlist while i study.

on the greatest ideas for a blog post

2009-11-17T15:59:00.003+08:00

happens every single time i study.

which isnt that bad because that will mean that i'm studying.

and not watching How I Met Your Mother

which is awesome.

(studying... is awesome.)

YES

2009-11-16T00:48:00.001+08:00

i finally fixed the html code on this page.

it's amazing what procrastination does to my blog. i'm supposed to be sleeping, got a early study date tmr.

fingers crossed!

save me from taylor swift

2009-11-15T23:38:00.002+08:00

i'm addicted to her songs. i have a tendency to put a song on repeat so many times till i'm sick of it. and it's been a couple of weeks now... but there's still no stopping Ms Taylor. saveme!

love the type treatment in the background, btw.

on strange connections

2009-11-06T03:43:00.002+08:00

remember the exchange student at NUS that passed away from a night of drinking, and possibly medication.. something?

claim to fame: my 8130 was loaned to him by the person that bought it. she cant get it back cos his stuff was shipped back to the USA. i'm kinda upset. i like that phone.

random!

home internet vs NTU

2009-10-31T00:31:00.005+08:00

MUAHAHAHAHA. this is to confirm my suspicions about the general speed of internet in singapore. that you're usually not getting your bang for your buck.

HOME INTERNET/ 1233am on 31 Oct

http://www.speedtest.net/result/607352927.png

HALL (cable, i think) / 4:16 pm on 2 Nov

http://www.speedtest.net/result/609780152.png

SCBE, ntu/ 1.26am on 6 Nov

http://www.speedtest.net/result/613451715.png

UPLOAD SPEED OF 16.48MB/s! that's like AWESOME!

CHURCH/ 417pm on 15 Nov

http://www.speedtest.net/result/623012998.png

low, but sufficient.

NTU,HALL,STUDY ROOM/9:58am on 16 NOV

http://www.speedtest.net/result/623725865.png

HANDS DOWN THE MOST AMAZING UPLOAD/DOWNLOAD SPEED. 20!!!! HAHAHAH

on school

2009-10-19T09:20:00.003+08:00

oh dear.
it's been 11 weeks.
11 weeks of school.
11 weeks of staying in hall,
11 weeks of procrastinating, and staying up to finish work.
11 weeks of rushing assignments.

and exams are in 4 weeks time.

1st week was spent getting really frustrated at the system. (i still am frustrated at the admin system. it is really stupid. whoever invented the admin system should really be punished for leaving such a legacy.)

2nd week was spent praying and sorting out the modules mess.

3rd week was spent moving most of the stuff into hostel, and setting up the laptop, and catching up on readings and all. oh, i think i also tried to do my laundry. but it rained on my laundry... so, i've learnt to checked the weather reports before washing anything.

4th week. finally felt settled. then realise the deadlines were all looming. midterms were in a couple of weeks. was given a major project for COM232, which is creative strategy. sounds easy, but working in a group, i've found out, is never easy.

5th week. wow. really looked forward to the break at wk 8 from here onwards. deadline for 231 was looming, and it's hard to finish it... it's a A2 piece of work. must get it printed and mounted. mid-term for 207 and Sounds was up in the 7th week.

actually, i might have got my week 6 and 7 mixed up.... CA went okay, thank God. and week 8 came.

week 8. finished watching Lost, season 5. didnt do many school assignments.

week 9. chinese was due. finished it on monday. 232 assignment 2 hung on my neck like a dead albatross. it's due somewhere soon, but i'm really procrastinating about it.
hurried and finish a draft to show the Prof, he says i'm on track. and i found out that it's due a week later

week 10. procrastinated the whole week about 232, and now the albatross has turned into quicksand. so i'm up to my neck in quicksand.

week 11. another break on monday. and the quicksand project is due on friday. i suspect a pop quiz is happening tmr, but my readings for that module is not done at all. so. :(

chasing deadlines, that's what uni is teaching me.

other than that, i've made quite a number of friends, so pretty pleased. :)
gotta get myself outta quick sand now... after mafia wars!

boyfriend required:

2009-10-19T09:17:00.001+08:00

must know how to dance. or at least be game for this. :) hohoho.

famous people

2009-09-01T12:31:00.003+08:00

the only reason why this is here, is because it was taken on my birthday. haha.:)

week 3.

2009-08-28T17:03:00.002+08:00

already?
Seriously,someone ought to investigate where do all the time go,in uni?
Cos profs seem to think that we've lots of it.
Technically,i only spend 18 hours in school.
But it seems like so much more.
Gah.

DAY1

2009-08-12T22:10:00.000+08:00

these are the days that i'll be missing.

i guess. give me a couple of years, when i'm tired of working. i might just long for the days where my mind is engaged intellectually, and as intensely as it was on tuesday.

bam. first lecture, first year. darn 9 am lectures, but it's almost full house. eager freshies.

a single sentence on the wall and it's "what are you doing here?"

excellent way to start the day. brilliant, when you think that this is the first question the lecturers, the profs or anyone from school asks.

at face value, the answer is simple. like the answer the first person gave.

but probing deeply, the prof demanded that we work the wheels of the thought process and gave him a satisfactory answer.

"what are you doing here?"

a few brave souls offer up their opinions. still the prof continued pushing, all the while polishing up our mangled thoughts into succinct, and consequently more profound statements.

"to learn."

but why here? not distance learning, or by working?

"to learn with other classmates, and in a more structured environment"

why learn with other classmates?

"cos sometimes you learn from the other viewpoints of your classmates, or even from the questions they ask."

so then, you owe it to your classmates to participate in class, dont you think so?

(well, i cant argue against that. Ironically, this uber inspiring module is one of the modules I applied to get exempted from. But looking forward to the lectures.:) it's now the end of day 2, and after 2 late nights, and countless worries... i'm looking forward to a good rest. good night!:)

on the threshold of eternity

2009-08-05T22:24:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow marks the first day of the rest of my life in university.

Hopefully it will be a good one, one that hopefully results in getting a qualification of some sort.

But it’s about the process always, isn’t it?

Awesome friends, if I may ask/pray/beg for, would be nice. Awesome friends would mean, awesome school experience, so I really would love some awesome friends…

Awesome teachers please. It might be too much to keep asking for gifted teachers, because seriously, I’ve been blessed with many. But it wont be too much to ask from a couple more?

Some semblance of a testimony… at least the heart to want to maintain a good testimony. I tend to do this… morphing thing. I tend to highlight parts of my personality to fit whoever that I’m talking to. Not that the parts do not make a whole, but it’s just that I’ll ‘mould’ myself to fit whatever the general group behaves. And sometimes, I just don’t want to be seen as overtly religious.

there’re probably tons of other points.. but I’ve got to be at jurong point at ten to nine.. so I better snooze.

…if I can get my mind to rest. Stomach’s a mix of anxiousness + a healthy dose of excitement.

i dont understand why

2009-08-03T02:08:00.000+08:00

i can listen to my dad rant for 15 minutes without dreaming, but i cant do the same during a message.

5 minutes after...

2009-08-01T21:47:00.000+08:00

It may be in a moment, or after months of waiting, but soon I shall stand before my Lord — perhaps this year.

Then in an instant all things will appear in new perspective.

Suddenly the things I thought important — tomorrow's taks, the plans for the dinner at my church, my success or failure in pleasing those around me — these will matter not at all. And the things to which I gave but little thought — the word about Christ to the man next door, the moment (how short it was) of earnest prayer for the Lord's work in far-off lands, the confessing and forsaking of that secret sin — will stand as real and enduring.

Five minutes after I'm in Heaven I'll be forever overwhelmed by the truths I've known, but somehow never grapsed. I'll realize then that it's what I am in Christ that comes first with God, and that when I am right with HIm, I do the things which please Him.

I'll sense that it was not just how much I gavbe that mattered, but how I gave — and how much I withheld.

In Heaven I'll wish with all my heart that I could reclaim a thousandth part of the time I've let slip through my fingers, that I could call back those countless conversations which could have glorified my Lord... but didnt.

Five minutes after i'm in Heaven, I believe I'll wish with all my heart that I had risen more faithfully to read the Word of God and wait on Him in prayer — that I might have known Him while still on earth as He wanted me to know Him.

A thousand thoughts will press upon me, and though overwhelmed by the grace which admits me to my heavenly home, I'll wonder at my aimless earthly life. I'll wish... if one may wish in Heaven — but it will be too late.

Heaven is real and hell is real, and eternity is but a breath away. Soon we shall be in the presence of the Lord we claim to serve. Why should we live as though salvation were a dream — as though we did not know?

"To him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin." James 4:17.

There may yet be a little time. God help us to live now in the light of a real tommorrow!

by Wayne Christianson in Moody Monthly.

on having a different life

2009-07-09T01:29:00.003+08:00

a sec sch friend just msg to catch up.says lots happened in the 6 years that we lost contact.that's not entirely true.the part about wanting to keep in contact...that's not true.but kudos to him for making the effort to keep in touch.i would probably never msg him,it's odd.
Anyways,he asked if i'm living a different life.i think i am.in an alternate reality of sorts.my life sorta took a detour after A levels.
I have only heard this said once,cos it never occur to me.i failed A levels lei,no joke.dreamt my way through school thinking that getting there's half the battle won.how silly.
So poly.best time of my life.best educational experience of my life so far.but i remember graduating and trying my darn hardest to remember what i studied...and coming up blank.that's not too good.Hope it became innate,the skills learnt.
Then cancer.you gotta love it.thank God for it.i remember being so alive again after the whole thing...on the better days.it was like to old always doubting, apologising, late, taking everything for granted grace died.somewhere between the first op and the next.
Came back.to classmates younger then ever.Had to relearn how to adapt to social situations...that was refreshing.thought it would last.but i think she kinda faded away...
And 3 years later.i'm back.the evil habits were back long ago.gah.gotta try and be better.

on july

2009-07-02T22:43:00.001+08:00

it's national blog posting month! so i shall make an extra effort to post a post everyday.. okay more tmr. :)

on church camps, and genting.

2009-06-22T23:26:00.002+08:00

church camp was a bit different this year. for one, had an insider's view on how things are organised.. and it's all hard work. but thank God for his richest blessings upon the camp. he certainly saw me through the creation of the camp booklet, even as i was stressed trying to complete it. dont think i'll be able to do a decent job if i was working, so really thank God for the provision of time, and also the encouragement of dn eric, who btw has an awesome eye for design!

it's no joke organising a camp for 480-ish people. and especially when you're faced with significant difficulties. 1st combined camp - so we expected a large turnout. looming global flu pandemic that threaten to cancel the camp. really really last minute sign-ups. i think the registrars' job really tough. seriously. you have people writing requests after requests. very tough to please everyone.

___________should start chronologically.

one of the perks of being in the camp comm is being in the advance party. so we set off, sunday at 630. i spent the whole sat night packing. or throwing things into the luggage. was told the weather's cold, and mom made me pack long-sleeved shirts that were too short to wear (cos they were joyce's hand-me-downs. gio jr. shirts. blah.) grab a few threadless, cos i cant leave home without it. charged the batteries. set the alarm, and head off to bed.

woke up at 545. i think i did. jumped up, and packed another sweater. and pjs. dont want to catch a cold. stuffed everything into 2 bags. mom woke up. and prayed with me. :)

it's so quiet. i paused briefly at the slope to the carpark. nah, dragging the luggage on the roads might just wake the neighbourhood. i walk along the pavement, and decided to skip. i think i did. i skipped. and miss a step.

yes. at 620, i sprained my ankle. i was on all fours cos the pain was insane, and i started praying. please God, heal me before pandan cup on thursday. GAH! GAHGAHAHGHAH! feel so fail. half-contemplated turning back but... no. so hobbled... i think i even ran for the bus.

by the time i reached church, i was walking with an obvious limp. i think everyone was kinda half asleep... so they couldnt laugh right in my face when i told them i sprained my ankle 10 minutes ago. mom calls. decided not to tell her, lest she insists that i turn back straightaways. i strong! sprained ankle be gone!

d! filled the bottle with water for the cooler, and i used it to ice the ankle. then waited for tim. the rest of the cars took off, and uncle songwee+simon got to wait for us. bah.

zhuang jjust got excellent car tunes from joel, and by the time we reached the singapore custom, we were all singing jason mraz's i'm yours.

cleared the malaysian customs, and we're off to genting! [end of part 1. blah. i want to sleeep]

movie review 2: transformer 1.5

2009-06-22T22:07:00.007+08:00

movie: terminator:salvation

wasnt too keen on watching the movie, since i have never watched a single part of the entire franchise. it felt too mainstream (chey, i have arthouse taste meh?) okay no justifiable reason why i havent caught a single movie in the entire franchise... but this movie rocks.

story first. had nothing to compare the terminator movie with... no backstory that i should be familiar with... but since i'm an ardern transformer fan, certain parts of the movie felt like it's a bit transformer-ish.it's a simple tale. john conner, whom previous audience would be familiar with, is now old. like freakish-ly old and expecting a son. mankind had been fighting a war with machines that 'woke up' or became sentient. but they have an achille's heel — they communicate via radio frequencies, and apparently broadcasting a certain frequency would shut everything down. yay for humans.

the camera angles are refreshingly new. okay maybe not entirely new. they tilted the frame at an angle — possibly to disorientate the viewers and to reflect the current state of their world.
the starting squence had the camera rotate with a crashing helicopter.... this alone is worth the price of the ticket. it's really that good. it's like matrix bullet time — cept WAY BETTER. it's much harder to replicate.

actors: dont like the guy that plays john conner... but he's a better actor than Keanu Reeves, so he's not bad. as usual, enjoyed ms Bryce Dallas Howard's performance — she does wide eye horror very well. the winners in this category are the excellent casting of the humaniod and conner's dad. esp conner's dad. :)

so 4 thumbs up. :)

the doorbell rings...

2009-06-22T20:47:00.002+08:00

a mysterious woman leans wearily on the frame.she asks for me by name.
I stepped out to the gate,not knowing what i had done to deserve this surprise visitor.she identified herself,saying her boss sent her.
Holding on to an oversized dossier,she rattled off her intention.talked about a tradition of presenting the folders to new recruits,or freshmen,to welcome them to the funkiest school on the planet,where,you know,everything's done differently.and without the jump shots.
She left me with my mission dossier,and i literally ripped it apart.(while telling the sister my school's better than yours!she received her invite to her school's camp earlier in the day,and wasn't too impressed with it.it wasn't really that bad,but her school's just got PWNED.)anyways,the message didn't self-destruct in 5 minutes.mildly disappointed.

Deconstructing the message.
What's in the envelope:a purple feather,2 pens,a bunch of coupons,and a couple of clues to the murder mystery. Or as they put it-a press kit with information.
Oh,and a link to their blog/twitter/facebook.(wkwscifoc09.blogspot.com) so the mystery continues online..i like!(there's even a trailer!hyperventilates and dies.)
Was hoping that the camp would be held on board a cruise ship...but nope.the cost of the camp's only 60...and only a water sports's company's engaged for the camp.
Will retreat to examine the evidence.grace out!

reviews 1: much ado about vampires

2009-06-05T23:45:00.002+08:00

movie:blood,the last vampire

The trailer looked really good,but the movie failed with the storyline-there's not much of it.movie felt like a remake of underworld,without the cool guns and weapons.fight scenes were long,elaborate and did not help the story...which we've established there were none.heh,okay la,it's not that bad.the special effects were good.the english,not that bad.

Dvd: much ado about nothing

Delightful...although now i wonder if the play took pointers from the movie...

on having happy dreams

2009-06-05T10:25:00.005+08:00

i woke up happy today.bah.i wish i could have happy dreams everyday.things always goes great in my dreams...at least most of the time.it's only when i wake up and realise that reality's so far from what i dreamt that i become a little depressed.

(oh there're epic clouds today) one of the prayers i prayed back when i was sick was that i could see the clouds every day.which means i'll have to be alive...to see the clouds.

i love epic clouds,white billowing clouds that spirals into the heavens.i always did stare at clouds...when i was a kid,sitting in the backseat of the car i'll just be staring at the passing clouds...and feeling the sun on your face,listening to the cars zoom pass the old toyota.

I like the old toyota.never really adore the corolla.although it's champagne colour...and my parents got into a slight argument because of the colour.strangely,the kid never forgets.

on the absurdity of emo-ness

2009-06-04T09:47:00.002+08:00

one of the most common causes of being emotional, or like how we say it here - being emo, is not getting into a relationship.

Usually party A develops a liking for party B. Party A then goes on to use all legal (tho sometimes not very economically wise) ways to pursue Party B. all the methods fail, leading to Party A being super emo at failing to attain the ideal...person to start a relationship with.

Of course the above example's greatly simplified. In reality, you'll have other minor details that might tip the scale either way... but Party A will still become insanely emo.

Why? why put yourself through this misery? Surely this vexation of your soul is not healthy...although i like the weight lost that sometimes comes with it.

Humans have insatiable wants.this makes us perpetually sad,because we'll be unable to get whatever we want.

But if that's true,won't everyone in the world be sad,or emo? They might be different degrees of emo-ness...but still,you would have to agree that there're some in the world that're not emo.

Does it have to do with managing your expectations?see if you don't expect anything,surely you can't be disappointed..

Or how about making everyone mean nothing to you?when everyone,or everything is meaningless,you can't expect anything from anyone,then you can't be disappointed.

I prefer leaving it to God.the burden,the pain of breathing.there's no way i can stop caring about people,so they'll forever mean something to me.i tried having as little expectations of myself,but society has hardwired many to think otherwise.i cannot carry this emo-ness within myself.

I cannot be for certain, that my future don't hold troubles,or that it'll be smooth sailing.neither can i bear the burden of my past,and how it failed to live up to expectations.

I will however choose, as far as i can,and so help me God, to not be bitter.i choose not to be sorry for myself, or whatever lot God has given me.it will be hard,doubtless,but knowing that the true,living God planned this for me,that currently,this's the path He has for me,that brings comfort.Tho very small,that brings comfort.

So don't be angsty,there's really no end to it.my suggestion,throw it to God.could be a lesson He's waiting for you to learn...and cos you keep missing the important points,you keep having to go through it again and again.don't be bitter.don't be sad.try happy.heh.it's a good look to have.

(what got me outta the oh,i got cancer,now pity me rut was knowing that there's really people,christians out there in much more difficult situations,still praising God for His goodness.there was i questioning why i receive this lot,and listening to a testimony of a bed ridden lady praising God.thank God,the wallowing in self-pity stopped.

More often then not,wallowing in self-pity's a choice..other times it's a medical condition...and that's another blog post topic on it own. :)

on the absence of work.

2009-05-15T00:57:00.002+08:00

it scares me that i can hardly remember what it's like to have a job.sure whenever i spend a bit,i feel the pinch more,but beyond that,it kinda felt like i spend a year sleeping -- the memory's hazy.
I wonder if it's cos my brain wants to block it out. Like my horrid years in JC. but i had fun at work.i enjoyed work.i have no idea why.
I guess that why they describe memories as fleeting.departing like wisps of smoke in the air.oh like how the last bit of lovi's ciggie gives up its soul,curling in the air.
Musky damp air. Carpets that never got cleaned. Green-blue tables. Tacky money plant leaves that's supposed to improve feng shui. The perpetually dripping air-con,and leaky roof.
Sunlight that warms the soul. Rain on the metal roof. That narrow spiral stairways. Toilets that never worked.
Cupboards after cupboards of books always in danger of getting soaked in rain.
Ah.

on being one in a couple of billion.

2009-05-10T23:59:00.002+08:00

new york times run this fairly interesting series on the residents of new york city. they interview people with interesting careers... or just in general, interesting people. everyone's got a story to tell, you just have to stop and listen. (or be kaypoh, lah.)

i guess it's the same with blogs. never before have so many people with so little to say said so much to so few. but still i think social scientists would have a field day analysing blogs, trying to read between the lines and gather meanings and whatnots from blogs. will we finally have a coherent understanding of men? i dont know.

__________________________

i recently found myself to be technically free-er than usual, and yet, i find myself grasping at time even more. i no longer have the excuse of having no time... since circumstances prove otherwise, but the procrastinating spirit has gotten a foothold in my mind. like now. i'm waiting for my energy level in mafia wars to go up, so... i was supposed to look for grey's anatomy to watch, but am distracted enough to blog. blah.

___________________________

much ado about nothing's fantastic. go watch it!

mei shi jian

2009-03-18T14:03:00.001+08:00

There will never be enough time. There wont be a day when you're free to like clean up the room, mop the floor, pick up your books, chill out, watch all 11 seasons of friends, finish up God's work, Finish up work work, Finish up your lunch.

There wont be time for the beach, for your friends, to earn enough money, to shop, to meet your friends, to buy up half of borders, to buy up all of ikea, to succeed in life, to fail again and again, to have your cake and eat it.

There is definitely no time for joy, for laughter, for anger, for silent treatment, and for love.

Unless. Unless. You make time. ☺

--
because change's the only constant, i love God.

oh, chengkai, you die.

2009-03-15T18:51:00.001+08:00

i found it!

"ok, and point to note. one of these sa girls right was very much the replica of grace ok. i mean my dear friend, grace auyong xiao pei. haha. not her looks, but her voice ok. wah LAU. i mean, for a moment, i thought grace was like talking next to me ok. and that sa girl said a few chinese words(and it sounds like grace too !), and she's actually from co too(reason being most of her friends went there -_-. )ok grace was from co in sec sch, not in jc, but you know. u see the smilarity? hhaa, only difference in, she lacks the screaming that grace possesses. haha. i actually miss grace screaming at me. haha. pls dont kill me when you see this entry ok???? haha. and this grace(opps i mean, the replica of her) was like saying, "i'm a tyco six pointer, and i have to study like shit..." (hmm???? what's the rationale of making such a comment? ok. that i dont quite understand, but nvm.)- May 2005"

hmmm. actually, dont worry lah. i kow i'm uber super loud, and i'm trying to get rid of it. it's super irritating, :X

--
because change's the only constant, i love God.

on Doctor's Appointments

2009-03-04T12:16:00.001+08:00

as unfortunate as it sounds, i will be unable to work on Friday because of a pre-existing medical condition that requires my doctors kind attention at the hospital. any inconveniences is greatly regretted. however, i'll be back at work (and might i add, fitter than ever!) on Monday.

see you then!

on brutality of work

2009-03-03T11:03:00.001+08:00

At school, hard work gets recognised.

My uncle, the uncle who has said approximately less than 1000 words to me in my entire lifetime, once said this. It is the number 1 reason why he prefers school to work. And today, it kinda hit me. like a ton of bricks.

It's not like I'm super duper hardworking, oh not at all. it's the people at work. Everyone worked really hard on this 1 account. Well, okay the rest might have worked hard on it too, but .. sigh. must not take this to heart. it's really... too many external forces, and they didnt rule in our favour.

Can't say we didn't try.

G

2009-02-07T15:54:00.001+08:00

rules
it's harder than it looks! copy to your own note, erase my answers, enter yours, and tag 10 people. use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. they have to be real. nothing made up! if the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. you cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.

1. what is your name: grace
2. a four letter word: good (definitely not a reflection of my character)
3. a boy's name: Godfrey
4. a girl's name: what’s the girl’s name on gossip girl? Georgina
5. an occupation: grover. Wait that’s a muppet. Grower.
6. a color: green!!
7. something you wear: glow-in-the-dark tee
8. a food: greens? Okay, that’s like a category. cant think of any, will check the fridge. GRAPES!
9. something found in the bathroom: gel
10. a place: Greece
11. a reason for being late: HAHAHAHA. Got out of bed late.
12. something you shout: Goodness Gracious (x2 bonus!)
13. a movie title: (ooooh!!) Great Expectations
14. something you drink: grape juice
15. a musical group: gwen stefani and no doubt.
16. an animal: giraffe
17. a street name: grand central
18. a type of car: GX 470
19. a song title: great is thy faithfulness
20. a verb: going

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on digging the archives

2009-01-29T17:16:00.001+08:00

Go placidly amid the noise & haste & remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly & clearly; and listen to others. even the dull & ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud & aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain & bitter; for always there will be greater & lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercises caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity & disenchantment it is perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrender the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue & loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees & the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors & aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery & broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

FOUND IN OLD SAINT PAUL'S CHURCH, BALTIMORE; DATED 1692

on midsummer's day or midsummer day

2009-01-28T17:04:00.001+08:00

heh. That's my birthday! coolness. :)

--
because change's the only constant, i love God.

On oranges, and some letters

2009-01-23T16:11:00.001+08:00

Am having an orange lolly now. Refreshingly interesting take on the Lunar New Year, I must say, cept that the lolly's tad less healthy compared to the Mandarin oranges.

Which by the way, I'm not supposed to have. According to the doctors, but who cares? I'll just chew me favourite CNY fruit carefully. ☺

______________________________

The letters X and O make a curious little pair. They are often found together, although O's been seen around town more often than X. sometimes they go out with their fellow XO friends, and they'll end up quite drunk, and giving strangers kisses and hugs (XOXO). Their friends always found them fun, even though they're known to talk a lot of bull. Oh wells, people still welcome them to their homes. Afterall, it's the Lunar New Year, and as they say, it's the Year of the OX.

Happy New Year! ☺ AGAIN!

on 5 years of irregular blogging

2009-01-23T00:28:00.001+08:00

ah. it's been 5 years of blogging. 5 years of incomplete sentences, thoughts that never end with a period, but a series of them... 5 years of complaining about life, or musing about the oddities of life.

(technically though... i think i've been blogging since... sec 3? that's like.. 9 years? WHOA. [just checked. 1st blog post on livejournal i still have the perma link to says i started blogging on 23 Sep 2001. but livejournal's my 2 blog, so i must have started about 6 months before that? so... it's been 8 years. or 9. I DUNNO.let's just concentrate on this blog.)

i like looking back. reflecting, rehashing history. might as well do it now.

this year, now: i am a junior copywriter, and a living insult to all writers. i'm so incredibly blessed to have this job, and am depressed after writing this. dsylexic copywriter. i should print it on a tshirt. it's hilarious.

last year, now: i am a intern, in an engineering firm selling electro static devices, and cleanroom products. what i really do is head out to shop with my boss's sister for hams, and bread and ciggies (for her). when i'm done with my 2 hour lunches, i shred an obscene amount of financial documents. take out the staple, shred paper. take out the staples, shred paper. no stress. paid really little, but i dont think i cared. i didnt have to pay for lunch, could watch video liberally, and yes, finish doing this beautiful catalog, and webpage. even got to make sales calls.

the year before last year, now: 1st semester back at school. 2 more to go. had cancer. big thing on the mind now. not very sure if i'll live past the next year, but let's jsut finish this 2 lessons i have this semester. had a 2 day week, and a grand total of 5 hours in class. had the first taste of what's it like to not have a class. had extremely short hair. think buzz cut.

3 years ago, now: finishing up my 2nd year, only 2 more semester to graduating. no more school, and it's going to be work work work! i hate school. school's dumb. we wont ever ever apply these media theories in our lives! gah! at least i'm dating someone i like.
think i just won some photography award in school. booya! so going to graduate with a blast! school's cruising along great! projects, we're the top few groups, so i wanna go into the final key note presentation thing a ding ding next sem. bring it on yeah!

4 years ago, now: it's near the start of the 2nd sem in school. damn. exams are hard. even studying everyday in school doesnt help. well of course it doesnt, when you're hanging out with your best friend. ha. movies today? sure! movies 4 times a month? alright man. after all, i'm going to take that film-making dip next sem right? muahahah.

5 years ago, now: i have 6 months of nothingness. jsut waiting. chilling out while the results come out. hopefully i'll be able to make it to the uni. then i'll be good. i'll study harder. harder than i ever have, or will. yay!

so yeah.
___________________________
along the way, i decided to de-christianize. i dont mention about God and faith and verses outrightly, for fear of offending the general public. i realise this recently, it might be because of my youthful desire to de-christianize, and remain fairly neutral, that i have reached this state where i'm almost completely that. food for thought. and another blog post.

right now: i should be sleeping

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THAT Inaugural Poem

2009-01-22T00:08:00.001+08:00

The following is a transcript of the inaugural poem recited by Elizabeth Alexander, as provided by CQ transcriptions.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/20/us/politics/20text-poem.html?em

Praise song for the day.

Each day we go about our business, walking past each other, catching each others' eyes or not, about to speak or speaking. All about us is noise. All about us is noise and bramble, thorn and din, each one of our ancestors on our tongues. Someone is stitching up a hem, darning a hole in a uniform, patching a tire, repairing the things in need of repair.

Someone is trying to make music somewhere with a pair of wooden spoons on an oil drum with cello, boom box, harmonica, voice.

A woman and her son wait for the bus.

A farmer considers the changing sky; A teacher says, "Take out your pencils. Begin."

We encounter each other in words, words spiny or smooth, whispered or declaimed; words to consider, reconsider.

We cross dirt roads and highways that mark the will of someone and then others who said, "I need to see what's on the other side; I know there's something better down the road."

We need to find a place where we are safe; We walk into that which we cannot yet see.

Say it plain, that many have died for this day. Sing the names of the dead who brought us here, who laid the train tracks, raised the bridges, picked the cotton and the lettuce, built brick by brick the glittering edifices they would then keep clean and work inside of.

Praise song for struggle; praise song for the day. Praise song for every hand-lettered sign; The figuring it out at kitchen tables.

Some live by "Love thy neighbor as thy self."

Others by first do no harm, or take no more than you need.

What if the mightiest word is love, love beyond marital, filial, national. Love that casts a widening pool of light. Love with no need to preempt grievance.

In today's sharp sparkle, this winter air, anything can be made, any sentence begun.

On the brink, on the brim, on the cusp -- praise song for walking forward in that light.

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on poems, and anessa blaine

2009-01-17T22:59:00.001+08:00

simply brilliant.

http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewpoetry.asp?AuthorID=64371&id=245521

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Here is Gone - The Salts

2009-01-16T01:16:00.001+08:00

1. Put your iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 or more friends

[i have a theory about itunes' shuffle. i think they programme it in a way that makes the next song sound musically similar to the previous one. at least that's how the one at work works... ]

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Da Ka Si Ai [YEAH SHARE THE LUV!]

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Sleep Dont Weep - Damien Rice

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Send the Light! - Galilee Youth [YEAH!~ ]

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
To Love You Again - celine dion [ i have weird songs]

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
i drive myself crazy - nsync [ point proven yet again, although the honesty of this is just hilarious]

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Mi Mi. [ i dunno what it means. confused? muahaha. true, true.]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Bad Day - Daniel Powter [WAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.]

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Our Lives - The Calling [heh. it's true! ]

WHAT IS 2+2?
Hakuna Matata (Sing Along) (Lion King) \ Dennis Razze

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
I'm Professor Ludwig Von Drake - Something from Disney

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Under the Sea - little mermaid [OKAY, enuf of the disney!]

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Tipsy [ i didnt even know i got this song! ]

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Fascinating Rhythm - Jamie Cullum

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
害怕 - JJ Lin

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
U R My Life [ heh]

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Hang On - Smash Mouth [whooohooo!, this could either be really good, or really bad!]

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Fever - Micheal Buble [ cool song eh?]

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Once in Royal David's CIty - YPC [okay like, i do have a fascination for Israel]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
My Yard - Jamie Cullum [ NICE NICE NICE! it's about hanging out, chilling out and... relaxing man]

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
got a instrumental choir piece that we used as the first song in the Reformation play... think it's almighty fortress is our God, in german.

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
You're Beautiful - James Blunt

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
This World's Not my Home - CPYF Amazing Grace [ HEY HEY! i always suspect i might secretly miss earth. :X :X :X ]

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Trust in Me - another disney song [hur hur]

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
De Dao Tian Qin Li Kai Ni [ have no idea what's the meaning of this phrase...]

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Old Devil Moon - Jamie Cullum

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
西界 - JJ Lin

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
[THIS IS TAKING WAY TOO LONG] The Pros and Cons of Breathing - Fall Out Boy

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Beauty and the Beast - Another Disney Song [ shrug, these stop making sense... since the first question]

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Something Stupid - Robbie William and Nicole Kidman

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Here is Gone - The Salts. [ nice, i like this song]

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on indecisive women, and longsuffering men

2009-01-08T23:44:00.001+08:00

wedding announcement pages in the new york times will hold an eternal fascination for me. maybe cos it's not our culture to wax lyrical about our love stories to the whole world... it comes across as equally strange, yet attractive. it's like, hey i've found my soul mate, so there's still hope. you see the pictures, and you see people big and small... gay or straight, (another very odd point, but nvm) getting married.

the piece that i jsut read's about this couple, who dated on and off for about... 10 years. broke up a couple of times and got back together. gah. every single detail's in, i feel like their best friends already. heh

alrights back to work!

here.

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on thoughts.

2009-01-07T23:29:00.001+08:00

2102
note to self: do not verbalised thoughts.
do not give grunts of approval. might be constituted as an indication of actual knowledge. do not want that to happen. do not mislead. it looks stupid.

1100
note to self: do not swear in thoughts.
do not say ****. do not say ****, neither ******* ******* on a hourly basis. do not knock yourself over with swear words, it doesnt work. do not try to replace shit, damn you, oh my goodness with **** in your head.

1101
note to self: do not verbalised swear words that you usually use in your thoughts.
but since you're noting that down now, chances are you already have. well done.

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on new year...

2009-01-04T23:05:00.002+08:00

i don't know what to think of new years.it's not exactly a new year,since we haven't gone through a year...but when we have,it doesn't feel new anymore...arg!
Anyway,over the last...2 weeks,2 different persons told me they read this blog.heh.YAY!it's a cause for celebration,and fuel for my blogging more.(am blogging via my phone-the only way i blog now.)
Btw,i got a demotivator calendar.one of the quote's about blogging, and it goes-never before have so many with little to say said so much to so little people.ha!how true!
But was thinking about the huge amount of mundane information of us, researchers have at their disposal when we die, or the servers crash.whichever's first.
Shall attempt running and qt at a park downstairs tmr.
And i just sleep typed.like how i already dream i'm at home when i'm at work. Night!